It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
