I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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