if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
