someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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