Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
