finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
