Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
