It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
