I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
