Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
