spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
