I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
