My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
