if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
