We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't put those talents on a resume
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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