He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
