I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
