I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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