im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
