I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
