I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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