Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
