just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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