dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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