Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
