I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
