strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
