You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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