she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
