I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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