i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
