dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
