I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
