Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize