If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
