Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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