Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
