he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my being single is dangerous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
