I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
how drunk are you?
Several
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
