Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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