I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
