I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
