God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
