Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
