is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so let's talk penis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
