I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
