So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
