Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the day after is always just damage control
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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