he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
