Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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