All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
