I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
