i would punch a child for taco bell
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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