Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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