yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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