what day is it and did you see me today?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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