Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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