remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
