just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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