the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
