I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
