It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
