I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
