Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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