I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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